Chemo is Like a Box of Chocolates

Forrest Gump mentioned that life is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you're gonna get.   Little did mama Gump know that life is not the only thing that is a box of chocolates.

In fact, chemo is like a box of chocolates.  And each side effect a different flavor of frustration, surprise, humor and disappointment.

The Milk Chocolate Caramel-  Leg swelling is a common side effect of chemotherapy.  One minute you find yourself walking around on lily white legs (P-M's legs are achingly white) and the next you're related to Bilbo Baggins.  Besides the fact that hobbit feet are quite unattractive, the swelling can possibly be caused by a blood clot so off you go back to the ER.  And when you get to the ER, Monica, one of the nurses from your last visit comes by to say "hello" and check on you.   And you both hug like long lost friends.

Cherry Cordials- Day to day life changes.   Schedules shift and activities take on a slower pace.  Our normal late night suppers are relegated to the Early Bird Special of 7 o'clock; nap times become events of the day and showers a production.  Outings are limited and fatigue the dictator of the schedule.  I finally had to figure out where the trash cans are and am so thankful for Instacart.  Mika is getting used to hanging out Simon and has finally come back to sitting near P-M.  Flowers are not allowed, processed foods eliminated, and broth making happening at home...So we're learning that change is the constant. 

The Dark Chocolate Raspberry Parfait- Needles are a commonplace tool when dealing with doctors and hospitals.  For many a stick here and a prick there is something that occurs once in a while.  For Chemo patients, a PICC line is inserted into your arm.  This is often done when multiple other shots have already been inserted into arms and legs but the need for access to a vein becomes consistent.  The tattooing that comes from this is purely unintentional and the marking left behind waxes and wanes and creates patterns of blues and grays.  And then one day, after many days, we expect them to vanish only to be replaced by a new design.

Pecan Delights- Visitors....A total side effect of chemo.  And when you're lucky (like we are) you have many of them.  And they show up and and they bring food and flowers and good wishes and hugs, lots and lots of hugs.  Kids walk dogs and take out trash.  They come down from NYC and plan outings.  Sisters clean homes and friends, dear friends, bring chowders and quiches.  They, the visits and visitors, are delightful.



White Praline Heart- Chemo and cancer changes your heart.  I don't know if does from a scientific perspective but it does from a symbolic one.  P-M and I remind each other that it's ok to cry, that work is not what defines us (who knew), that we love each other, that we have a caring and supportive community of people around us, that cancer sucks, that we are not cancelling our trip this summer but rescheduling it, that we are scared and emotional, that life has to continue on.  We know in our heart of hearts that we have a choice to either manage this lymphoma or let it manage us.  And we have decided that our hearts and spirits are stronger than to let this manage us (at least most days we do).

So, for now, we sit with our box of chocolates.  They (the wise ones) say that sugar feeds cancer.  In this case, I am finding that these "chocolates" remind me of our humanity, feed our soul, frustrate the daylights out of us, comfort us when sad and show us when to celebrate.  Our box of chocolates continues to grow and some of them I want to gobble up and others I want to put back after taking a nibble. Though my mama always told me that you can't put a chocolate back once you've taken a bite!  So, I'll keep the ones I have and hope for more Pecan Delights!!!