Three Dreaded Words

Cancer is back- #thisisnotfakenews, #Iwishitwere, #canscersucks

The three most awful words in my life right now and you know why?

After Fainting, Before Hospitalization, A make shift bed!

1. The sense of disappointment is crushing.
2. We are running out options.  
3. Abandoning chemo means that we have exhausted all normal protocols.

Yes, for a few short weeks we had a glorious time thinking that remission was on and all was moving in the right direction.  But then tree things happened:

1. P-M got a fever.
2. When I brought him into the hospital, he fainted.
3. While in the hospital his stomach started to hurt and a scan showed that the cancer had returned to his abdomen.

My reaction to this was three fold:

1. Anger  (You can't have my husband)
2. Sadness (I want my husband back)
3. Fear (Please don't take my husband)

P-M's reaction to this happened to be (quite French):

1. Disappointment (merde)
2. Delirium (les ouefs est dans ma classe- post ICU visit)
3. Stoicism (qu'est que sais la vie? La vie est le peste!)

Three things you should know about P-M's cancer:

1. It is rare, so there is not a lot of information on how to fight it.
2. It is chemo resistant which means that the three different regimens of chemo have not worked.
3. It is incredibly aggressive and  while we have seen the horizons and islands of remission, it has not been durable. 

So we are back in the hospital and three things have happened:

1. P-M has C- Diff, a n infection of the colon.
2. He has developed a cough.  A cough that was so irritating the doctors tried to medicate him to get it to stop.  He had a bad reaction that left him unresponsive.
3. We had A CODE BLUE to revive him and a night in the ICU.

This is what you wear when
your husband has C Diff

As I sit here and write, three plans are in place:

1. The pulmonologist is monitoring his breathing and the coughing and is waiting for cultures to come back from a liquid draw from his lungs.
2. Our oncologist is prepping to begin the immunotherapy infusion on Friday
3. Our hospitalist is keeping an eye on his grogginess and odd banter....I mean odder than usual.

I've learned three things from these few days:

Back from ICU

1. Standing in the hallway, as you watch doctors run to your husbands room with a "Code Blue" warning echoing on the loud speaker is an out of body experience that I hope no one I know ever has to experience.
2. It is difficult to be positive when the outcome is so very unknown.
3. Even when you think there are no more tears, some find their way out.  

I know that you want me to write three things:

1. Everything is going to be ok.
2. We are going to kick this thing.
3. This is just a blip

And to that I say:

1. I hope so
2. I believe so
3. I know so

Three is magical number in many cultures and religions:

1. Three is the number of time:  Past, Present, Future
2. Three is the first number that creates a geometric figure.
3. Three is number of Good Fortune.....

And we really need some good fortune to shine on us!

Breaking News: Missing Blog Writer Found Watching TV!!!

Welcome Back Friends....To the Blog, from your vacations,  from what I hope has been a relaxing summer.

Handsome Frenchman Breaks Journey on Remission Island

Yes, friends and family, Pierre-Marie is in remission!  Dr. El- Shami told us in the absolute most anticlimactic manner.  So much so, that I had to ask him over and over and then he started looking at me like I was the crazy one.  But, yes, he is in remission.  The reason to be excited is not really the obvious one.  The excitement stems from the fact that remission means we can begin the bone marrow transplant and that is the key to cure.  And cure is the destination we are aiming for.  Compass straight on point.

Life Continues Even During Times of Uncertainty

Of course it does....We knew that.

In the last couple of weeks:

We celebrated my dad's birthday on July 18 though we needed to abort at the last minute.  P-M was running a fever and we needed to get him checked out.....We did eat cake before going though.

I have returned to work full time and balancing it all has proven to be difficult.  I have work, but I want to be there for P-M.  This is one time where independent wealth would be a great addition to my life.

Sarah came for a visit  when she got back from the trip she and James took to Europe.  We had a chance to catch up and watch movies and hang out.

We celebrated our 5 year anniversary.  And I think I like him even more than the day I married him. He, well, he really lucked out, right?

 Mika got a haircut.  It's too short in my opinion, but as they say it's only hair.  He isn't sure how to feel about it.

The quiet DC July of people traveling is giving way to a busy August of returns and visits and get togethers.

We continue to try and plan for the Bone Marrow Transplant without actually knowing any of the actual plans.

Our niece turned  8!

And life continues on........

Bone Marrow Donor Found In Unlikeliest of Places

Well that's sort of Fake News!!!

It was pretty likely that one of the kids would be the donor.  We don't actually hear anything about the process.  Sarah and Simon were typed.  And then Simon was called and told that he would be the donor.  Simon and P-M will both ave some pre testing and on Day 0, the doctors will extract from Simon and transplant to Pierre- Marie.  Sarah and I will be on hand to make sure that both the Lasseron men are taken care of.

Pot To The Rescue

Pierre- Marie's weight has fluctuated a lot since May.  He's lost about fifty pounds.  The last time we went to see Dr. El- Shami, he told P-M that he needed to boost up on his weight.  He said that he didn't want P-M to be nutritionally deficient when the time came for the BMT.   But P-M being P-M, was adamant that he didn't want to eat.  Picture this:

Hospital Room

Dr. El- Shami:  Mr. Lasseron, you have to eat more.

P-M:  I'm not hungry....but I can eat if the sun is in the right position and I feel that the distance to the fridge is not too far from where I am sitting.  And I do like cumin a lot and don't mind having that in certain dishes.  I remember that in France, I used to eat a bunch of things that I really really liked.  And then...blah, blah, blah, blah....( if you know him, you know the wandering way in which he can tell a story).  But I'm not hungry.

Dr. El- Shami:  Mr. Lasseron, have you ever smoked Pot?

P-M:  Well, yes I have, but I giggle and then fall asleep.

Dr El-Shami:  Mr. Lasseron, between the giggling and the sleep don't you get hungry.

P-M:  Actually, I do.

Dr. El-Shammi:  Mr. Lasseron, that is called the munchies....You should eat then.


 Enter Friends and Pot Stage Right!!!

Between the Pot and the ice-cream....he gained 11 pounds.

Hope Reigns Supreme at the Lasseron-Bhalla House

On good days, this is truly the case.   On the not so god days, we pretend or watch TV or sleep.  We're making strides in the right direction and for that I am so thankful!!

And that rounds up our updates.  Hope you will join me next time for another update of the P-M and Natasha Saaga/story/situation/serial!!!

Till next time.....