Signs, Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs.....

I am a superstitious person.  I also believe in signs.  I'm not an overly religious person but I like to think that I have some spirituality in my life.  In recent days, I have been overly obsessed with signs and following superstitions.  No cutting scissors where the blades meet, no stepping on cracks, no walking under ladders or putting hats on beds.  I figure there's no need to tempt the fates.

These days I look for signs everywhere that somehow provide a window into the future.  I hear a song that reminds me of PM and I think...that's a sign that he is going to be ok.  I forgot to put flowers in water and they wilted and I thought....that's a sign of foreboding.  Maybe it's just a song and just being forgetful but I am adding meaning to every little thing.  It is really quite confusing.  

The first sign I hooked onto was about the news concerning Hurricane Florence.  While DC is not in its line of sight, it is expected to brings downpours and winds.   The last hurricane I remember well was Hurricane Sandy.  We got a day off from school. Hurricane Sandy hit a week after my birthday and the first time Pierre-Marie kissed me.  The night of the storm, Pierre-Marie told me that I should spend the evening with him.  I said no way.  He insisted.  I'm no fool.  I said no way.   So you know what he did.  He walked out of his place, he got a car to go and he came from DC to my place.  I told him not to but you know how stubborn he is.  He showed up and wouldn't you know it, the lights went out at that exact moment. So he's standing there drenched in my candle lit apartment.  And you know what happened.  I gave him a bowl of spaghetti that I had made and then sent the poor guy home.  

In the years that followed, Hurricane Sandy marked the official beginning of our relationship.  If a man is willing to drive through a natural disaster for you then you keep him around.  So I keep thinking that Hurricane Florence will be the next new beginning.  For instance, on Thursday, the day of landfall, we are starting Pembro, an antibody that will engage P-M's immune system so that his own good cells fight the cancer cells.  This is a new beginning.  Once we knew that the chemo wasn't working, Dr. El-Shami told us that we should look into immunotherapy.   But Merck was giving us a hard time since it was experimental.  By the time the drug was released, Dr. El Shami was concerned that the cancer was moving faster than the treatment.  And so he started P-M on Cam Path.   This gave him an allergic reaction that landed him in the ER and then the ICU.  And So here we are back at the immunotherapy door.   A new start.

We have had many before but never one when a hurricane was about to hit.

And here's another sign....Many of you know that P-M is a complicated person😏.  We have so far tried 3 chemo regimens that should have worked, and then we tried an antibody that should have worked but they all failed.  On Thursday, we are starting a regimen that has a low likelihood of working.  It is based on a study out of Singapore that had a 100% success rate.  There were only 7 participants but hey....all 7 survived.  So it seems to me that if everything that was supposed to work didn't then why wouldn't the thing that is less likely to work be the exact thing that does work. Wouldn't it be just like our P-m to wait until the very end for his cancer cells to do what they are told to do.....die!

And another sign!  Yesterday, when we came into the infusion center, Pierre-Marie got a bunch of pre-meds to counter any allergic reactions.  We had a friend visiting and while P-M and our friend visited, I noticed that he was getting colder, a sign of a negative reaction.  I got Jessica, our nurse, and  she rushed in.  HIs BP and heart rate were high, his oxygen low.  They escorted Sarah and me to the family waiting room and a chaplain came to sit with us, while a rapid response team came running to P-M's room.  After a few harrowing minutes, we were told that they were taking him to the ER and we followed.   And waited and cried and skulked and once he was stabilized he was sent to the ICU.  He spent the night there and have just been moved to room 524.  You know what's special about 524?  We have had about 5 hospital stays and every time we have we have been in rooms 516, 517, 518, 519.  We have NEVER been in 524.  It's a bigger room with a crappy view.  But I'll take a crappy view with new mojo over a great view with a bad mojo.

And here's another sign.  We have been married for 5 years. The oncology unit is on the 5th floor.    The traditional gift for 5 years in wood.  And you knock on wood for good luck.  He was diagnosed in the 5th month of the year and we will know more about the treatment in October....the And guess what....This new treatment is the fifth attempt at conquering the cancer.  The number 5 symbolizes man, health, love.   My man needs his health back because we love him.    

There are many other signs and superstitions I encounter and I wonder if it is telling me something....Maybe it is....maybe it isn't.  But here's a sign I want to give to the cancer....🖕!!!

These are the signs that I posted for P-M.  It's all the people that hold P-M (and me)through this.